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31 December 2012 @ 11:08 pm
 
I'm sad and I don't know why.  Today was just a rough day over all.  I was running late so I didn't have time for breakfast or to make a lunch.  I ran out of cigarettes on my way to work so I didn't have time to pick those up either.  Which didn't seem like a big deal to me because I've been cutting them out of my work day.  But then when I was at work.  I let me one coworker use my car and our lunches overlap I told her she could use it and I would just go down to the deli for some food.  Well I didn't know that the deli was closing early today so there I was with no lunch because I didn't have my car to go get anything.  So lucky me I got to eat a granola bar for lunch after having no breakfast.  And then I was put on processing at 3 but no one told me and my stupid email didn't give me a notification that I had a schedule update, so I didn't realize it until 3:40 so I was out of adherence for 40 minutes which completely screws up my entire day.  So yup just not a good day I really wanted to turn into a sailor right about then.  I haven't wanted to go off on a cursing rant in awhile but boy did I want to.  I also just wanted to curl up and be held.  But I don't have anyone for that.  Speaking of which I am talking to a couple people right now and I really like the one, which scares the shit out of me.  I don't want to get hurt again but I also don't want to live my life alone.  We haven't met yet because he is in another state for the holidays at the moment but we've been talking non stop and he gets me.  I'm just worried about putting too many cookies in one jar. I just don't know what to do.  It's a new year and there will be a lot of changes being made.  I will be quitting smoking, I will be working out, and damn it I will let someone new in my life.  It will be scary especially since I have a few health issues I need to deal with but I will get it done and be all that much better for it.  I really do just want to curl up and cry right now and I don't get it, I blame my hormones.